Echoes of hard times......Part 1 (When love hurts)

So....relationships huh.....tell me about it. One moment everything is all fun and laughter, and the next, a storm begins to brew.  Yes!! you guessed it....Ive decided to talk about love and relationships on todays blog. 

Now, I do not presume to be an expert on the issue and I'm certainly not a self-proclaimed love doctor, but I do know a thing or two about being in a relationship. Unlike most cheesy love quotes you may have heard or read that say stuff like "being with you makes me want to spread my wings and fly" or "love is you + me" or even "you're the only sugar in my tea".  Wow! How do people come up with these stuff...its hilarious. Sorry, I'm a romantic, but most importantly I'm a realist. I mean how do you deal with a person who doesn't see things your way. Who is so ego-centric, that they cannot be faulted. Who tends to say stuff even when he/she knows it hurts.  Don't get me wrong the romance might be great and under the sheets even more so, but you just know that something is seriously missing/lacking in the communication department of your relationship.

Okay, so you guys make rules for yourselves. Im not talking about "wash the dishes after you're done eating", or "put a coaster on the table before you drop the cup"(those are good too though).  But  no, I'm talking about rules such as;  "No walking out on each other during or after an argument"  "No sleeping in separate corners of the house, "Every issue must be trashed out on the same day", "No going to bed angry at each other".......oh! and my all time favourite, "Don't bring up past issues in present arguments". Now, you find that these sparingly work, and yet there's still something wrong, so you turn to the bible. You read "love is patient", "love is kind", "love is not envious".....and my favourite, "love does not keep record of wrongs", which if you think about it, is pretty similar to the last rule you made for yourselves. Its all good and fine in theory, but how do you love someone so much one moment, and trust me you want to strangle them the next? And if you notice, things hurt even more when they are said to you by someone you truly love. 

But I've realised that you can find solace in two words "Constructive Criticism".... not the words you were hoping to hear huh?....but let me explain. Now some people take criticism well, others just don't. And how does an argument ensue/start? Its usually from criticism. You disagree with something the other person did or said. The person feels be-littled or hurt, and becomes defensive. One word turns into two, and before you know it a hurricane has passed through your living room. However, constructive criticism is like a bridle. It keeps a leash on what and how you say something to your partner, lover or friend. It starts with a positive pre-amble of the persons strengths and then you can highlight the fault with your recommendations in such a way that it makes the other person think more about what you said, rather than how you said it. Its all about making yourself better first before you can help another.

Every relationship has its ups and downs (trust me...I know). Therefore ladies and gents, don't worry when your significant other argues with you, worry when they stop, because it means there is nothing left to fight for. You need to love so hard that you love even when it hurts.....but ultimately, LOVE YOURSELF!!

My Little Welcome Note

Hello everyone, and welcome to my blog. Over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to take you on a roller coaster ride of what i call Love, Medicine and Everything in between.

So a little introduction, my name is Ada, no prefix or suffix needed......Im just Ada. I am a Nigerian from the eastern part of the country, however, I was born and raised in Abuja. I have a masters in Reproductive Medicine from the University of Sheffield UK, and by November, ill be a certified Clinical Embryologist. I am also about to start my PhD in the field. Don't mind the fancy words, simply put, I'm a Scientist that deals with infertile couples and through assisted reproductive techniques like IVF, help them become parents. I'm also a hopeless romantic, with a passion for food,cooking and travelling. So thats just me in a nutshell....very simple huh? Well hopefully we would have a lot more to talk about as we get to know each other a little better.

Okay, so I decided to start this blog because I realised the topic of infertility is a little steep especially in the developing world. People don't want to be associated with the notion of being infertile, or unable to conceive a child, especially after several years of marriage.  Its kind of a "hush hush" topic especially in Nigeria and other parts of Africa where the pressure is put on the woman to conceive before she is out of her 30's. I'm definitely not going to stay here and presume that i know exactly what they are going through, because I believe everyones problems are different. But I believe a good support system and councelling should be in play, and everyone needs to be educated on break throughs in medical science which can help the situation.

So, Im going to love your suggestions and questions for more issues on love, relationships, infertility and everything in-between you would like us to discuss on this blog. I would also be bringing you weekly updates on the topic and other interesting facts about love, medicine and everything in-between.

Until next time, LOVE YOURSELF!!

A Tale Of Two Lovers

They say love is blind, and when two people are in love, nothing else matters. Well, that maybe true in fairy tales and soap-opera's, but in the real world, nothing could be farther from the truth. So, it usually goes this way; boy meets girl, they both fall in love, a relationship ensues, next comes marriage and a baby in a carriage. But sometimes, the last part doesn't always happen. Some marriages end in divorce, others polygamy.....why? Because they are longing for the cry of a baby in the home.

So, this morning I was feeling a bit romantic and I started watching Youtube videos of the traditional wedding ceremonies of different people from the various cultures and ethnic groups in Nigeria. I saw how beautiful the brides looked and how happy they were. The grooms all dressed up in their native attires, anxiously waiting to be re-united with their brides; and when they are, the joy in their eyes was immeasurable. The prayers and blessings the couples received from family, friends and well-wishers were all different, but one prayer remained the same " have many children" or as it was traditionally said "be fruitful". It is the wish  of every married couple to have as many children as they can cater for, however, things don't always go as we want them to.

Some couples take it as the will of God, others consult spiritualists, native doctors and fortune tellers. Most consult with the elders that recommend herbal concoctions for the woman (man) to drink. And all the while the woman keeps getting older. I talk about the woman getting older because as numerous studies have shown, age plays a major factor in the chances of a woman conceiving and carrying the pregnancy to term. Every woman is born with a particular number of eggs she would have through-out her life time, and as she grows older, the number decreases. This is quite different from a man who can continue to generate new sperm all the days of his life. However, this doesn't mean that all sperm is good sperm or viable, and so the man too beers a brunt of the problem when it comes to infertility within the couple.

So ladies, its great to have your career and job going for you, but you also need to remember that you've got a ticking biological clock. The older you get, the lesser your chances of conceiving and carrying the pregnancy to term. Now, sometimes the table may be turned, and you could get pregnant normally, but studies have also shown that the chances of having a child with special needs also doubles as the maternal age increases. 

Guys, you're certainly not left out. Its good to get checked out, don't go blaming it on the woman, because it takes two to tango. Your sperm comes in all shapes and sizes, and yet it only takes that one viable sperm to fertilise an egg. Therefore, you could be carrying millions of them, and yet none is good enough. 

Next time, we would delve more into the factors that can affect a persons inability to conceive (it goes both ways) and later on, we would go into the various treatments that can help. Until next time.... LOVE YOURSELF!!