The naked truth.

Hi every one,
So, I wanted to discuss something very close to my heart in todays blog. Most will know I'm a big advocate for women’s health, both psychologically and medically. Especially on the issue of infertility because it cuts across both areas I'm interested in.

Yeah, I know this post should probably have come much earlier. But, I had a very heart felt discussion with an older Indian lady today and we literally cried together. I felt her pain and sorrow. She told me she has basically stopped attending other peoples weddings, and ceremonies. She said its because, every time she attends a wedding she comes back in tears. People would always say things like “ahhh…how many years now” or “I remember when I came to your own wedding, its been a while ohh ” or “when are we coming to celebrate with you guys again” and lots more. I mean c'mon, ...nosy much?

When you think of an infertile couple, somehow, you know in your heart of hearts that they must be going through a lot of stress, emotionally and physically. For something that comes so naturally to others, they have to spend a lot of time, energy and in most cases, lots of money to get the same thing. A good place to start to combat the infertility segregation is within ourselves. We need to change our perspective of infertility and stop seeing it as a niche disorder. Meaning, the separation, and most times verbal and non-verbal torture we consciously or unconsciously meet out to these couples or individuals needs to stop.

Such statements may actually seem like nothing, especially to someone, who is either pregnant or has already had a child. Then (as always) you justify it by saying “c’mon, they cant possibly take that personal”, but it certainly hurts. We need to realise that the situation they are in, is really not for lack of trying. As a nigerian saying goes "its condition that makes the cray-fish bend".


Statistics from the WHO show that more than 80 million couples in developing countries suffer from one form of infertility or the other (yeah, there are types). However, "statistics are human beings with the tears wiped off". We tend to forget that every infertile couple has a story to tell. Organisations, and even us as individuals put so much care and emphasis on other issues we tend to consider more important like Malaria, HIV, Abortions, and even maternal mortality (which isn't bad), but very little is targeted towards infertility. Fortunately, some organisations have been established that address the issue of infertility solely such as "The walking egg" and some others. Its certainly a good start, but we truly need more.


So, guys this is just my little contribution towards the issue. I have to stop here for now, b'cos I can certainly go on and on. But my little take home message is......lets be a little more considerate in our words, thoughts and deeds towards these people.  As we progress, ill still let you know the types, issues, myths, and contributing factors concerning infertility, and we can certainly address some in more detail.

But always remember to.....LOVE YOURSELF!!

Echoes of hard times....Part 2 (Its just not enough)

Hi everyone,

So, I got an interesting email today. I figured I had to share it with you guys because its just one of many that I read everyday.  

It read " Dear Eleanor,  

My name is Mercy. Im a 30year old lady, and the owner of my own company.   I've also been married for about a year plus. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby even before we decided to get married. Due to our busy schedules, we consider the 12th of every month to be our anniversary (special day), and I have the best sex of my life on that particular day of the month only. My friends think its awkward, but I just feel they don't understand our kind of relationship. I know I'm not infertile because it doesn't run in my family, but I'm much to scared to see a doctor. I feel if I do, it would seem as if there is something truly wrong with me, and I don't want to loose my husband. Please, what do you think I should do?"

Now my reply to Mercy was;

"My dear Mercy, 

My heart goes out to you, and I know it can be really difficult trying for a baby. However, once a month?........guurrrlll!!!.........seriously??? I can't understand why thats supposed to be. Sex with your husband is a beautiful thing, and from your mail, I figure he is definitely hitting it right. But  Im still in shock its got to be once a month. Im sorry to say dearie, but you can't have a baby that way.   Any doctor who knows his stuff would certainly tell you the same thing. You need to be having good sex at least three times a week to achieve a natural pregnancy. Now, Im not going to suggest you start thinking about infertility just yet, because technically, you both don't fit the definition (at least not yet). But I do suggest you see a fertility specialist. He would monitor your ovarian cycle, and then estimate what days are your most fertile days (windows), so you guys can stop trying blindly. But sweetie, you guys are going to have to try making love more often. Its certainly more fun to explore that option first before you go see a doctor....isn't it??.....Kind Regards Eleanor"

 I realise a lot of women are scared about even the notion of being infertile (its understandable), and they decide not to go see a doctor. But ladies and gents, you need to realise that theres something like doctor patient confidentiality. A doctor has no right to discuss your medical issues with anyone, not even your spouse, especially if you don't want him to. So you should feel free to go for a fertility consultation. Another thing I would like to point out ....ladies.... you know time waits for no man, unfortunately neither does your biological clock for you. Your biological clock and career developmental clock are almost always in conflict. But we have been blessed with the ability to multi-task, so lets take advantage of that, and have our babies and career (why not have it all if you can?). 

 But as always.....LOVE YOURSELF!!!!

 

A strange assumption...

Hi everyone, 

Im so sorry its been a while. I've been so busy with school work, I literally haven't even had time for myself. Remember I told you guys I was going to become a clinical embryologist by November? Well, thats what I've been up to. Im here in Mumbai India, just in my last few days of classes, so by next week, Ill be certified.....YAYY!!!

Okay, so I had a very interesting day.  I had an informative discussion with some doctor friends (gynaecologists) from Nigeria, and it was just amazing to listen to their views on issues regarding sex and relationships. They are also trying to branch into infertility and assisted reproduction treatments (ART). But it was so exciting that when it came to the issue of sex, none of them were willing to say much. Those who were, actually said that they don't talk about sex or intercourse with their patients. 

I was shocked. 

It then occurred to me that the issue of sex, intercourse and everything in-between is still very much a "hush hush" topic, even among doctors, who most (patients) consider to be demi-gods. It really blew my mind. But I realised that its probably a cultural thing, which might change "hopefully" in my generation. It even made me want to tow a new career path....Sex therapy!! 

I realised that we can't really discuss infertility and its problems without first talking about good sex, and good sexual practises. It is certainly not the solution to all infertility problems, but its a start. I have seen  patients who just need sexual counselling, and learn a few tricks that spice up their bedrooms and the results are usually a spontaneous pregnancy. Some others come for counselling, get some ovarian stimulation with drugs, and the result is also a spontaneous pregnancy, without the need for ART. So it really surprised me to learn that a number of gynaecologists don't talk about sex with their patients. I wondered if it was because they were shy about the topic or something. But it seemed to be a norm for them. It was quite funny to be because I assumed it would/ should be one of the things they talked about when taking the patients history (clerking). Well, you know what they say about "assuming" huh......makes an Ass of U and Me.

So, I would really love to hear your feedbacks, ideas, comments etc, about what you all think about this topic, and if my assumptions were intact justified. I really enjoy reading your mails and contributions, and some of you have even given me suggestions for new posts, and I promise I would get right on that.

And as always.....LOVE YOURSELF!!!!

Echoes of hard times......Part 1 (When love hurts)

So....relationships huh.....tell me about it. One moment everything is all fun and laughter, and the next, a storm begins to brew.  Yes!! you guessed it....Ive decided to talk about love and relationships on todays blog. 

Now, I do not presume to be an expert on the issue and I'm certainly not a self-proclaimed love doctor, but I do know a thing or two about being in a relationship. Unlike most cheesy love quotes you may have heard or read that say stuff like "being with you makes me want to spread my wings and fly" or "love is you + me" or even "you're the only sugar in my tea".  Wow! How do people come up with these stuff...its hilarious. Sorry, I'm a romantic, but most importantly I'm a realist. I mean how do you deal with a person who doesn't see things your way. Who is so ego-centric, that they cannot be faulted. Who tends to say stuff even when he/she knows it hurts.  Don't get me wrong the romance might be great and under the sheets even more so, but you just know that something is seriously missing/lacking in the communication department of your relationship.

Okay, so you guys make rules for yourselves. Im not talking about "wash the dishes after you're done eating", or "put a coaster on the table before you drop the cup"(those are good too though).  But  no, I'm talking about rules such as;  "No walking out on each other during or after an argument"  "No sleeping in separate corners of the house, "Every issue must be trashed out on the same day", "No going to bed angry at each other".......oh! and my all time favourite, "Don't bring up past issues in present arguments". Now, you find that these sparingly work, and yet there's still something wrong, so you turn to the bible. You read "love is patient", "love is kind", "love is not envious".....and my favourite, "love does not keep record of wrongs", which if you think about it, is pretty similar to the last rule you made for yourselves. Its all good and fine in theory, but how do you love someone so much one moment, and trust me you want to strangle them the next? And if you notice, things hurt even more when they are said to you by someone you truly love. 

But I've realised that you can find solace in two words "Constructive Criticism".... not the words you were hoping to hear huh?....but let me explain. Now some people take criticism well, others just don't. And how does an argument ensue/start? Its usually from criticism. You disagree with something the other person did or said. The person feels be-littled or hurt, and becomes defensive. One word turns into two, and before you know it a hurricane has passed through your living room. However, constructive criticism is like a bridle. It keeps a leash on what and how you say something to your partner, lover or friend. It starts with a positive pre-amble of the persons strengths and then you can highlight the fault with your recommendations in such a way that it makes the other person think more about what you said, rather than how you said it. Its all about making yourself better first before you can help another.

Every relationship has its ups and downs (trust me...I know). Therefore ladies and gents, don't worry when your significant other argues with you, worry when they stop, because it means there is nothing left to fight for. You need to love so hard that you love even when it hurts.....but ultimately, LOVE YOURSELF!!