Echoes of hard times....Part 2 (Its just not enough)

Hi everyone,

So, I got an interesting email today. I figured I had to share it with you guys because its just one of many that I read everyday.  

It read " Dear Eleanor,  

My name is Mercy. Im a 30year old lady, and the owner of my own company.   I've also been married for about a year plus. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby even before we decided to get married. Due to our busy schedules, we consider the 12th of every month to be our anniversary (special day), and I have the best sex of my life on that particular day of the month only. My friends think its awkward, but I just feel they don't understand our kind of relationship. I know I'm not infertile because it doesn't run in my family, but I'm much to scared to see a doctor. I feel if I do, it would seem as if there is something truly wrong with me, and I don't want to loose my husband. Please, what do you think I should do?"

Now my reply to Mercy was;

"My dear Mercy, 

My heart goes out to you, and I know it can be really difficult trying for a baby. However, once a month?........guurrrlll!!!.........seriously??? I can't understand why thats supposed to be. Sex with your husband is a beautiful thing, and from your mail, I figure he is definitely hitting it right. But  Im still in shock its got to be once a month. Im sorry to say dearie, but you can't have a baby that way.   Any doctor who knows his stuff would certainly tell you the same thing. You need to be having good sex at least three times a week to achieve a natural pregnancy. Now, Im not going to suggest you start thinking about infertility just yet, because technically, you both don't fit the definition (at least not yet). But I do suggest you see a fertility specialist. He would monitor your ovarian cycle, and then estimate what days are your most fertile days (windows), so you guys can stop trying blindly. But sweetie, you guys are going to have to try making love more often. Its certainly more fun to explore that option first before you go see a doctor....isn't it??.....Kind Regards Eleanor"

 I realise a lot of women are scared about even the notion of being infertile (its understandable), and they decide not to go see a doctor. But ladies and gents, you need to realise that theres something like doctor patient confidentiality. A doctor has no right to discuss your medical issues with anyone, not even your spouse, especially if you don't want him to. So you should feel free to go for a fertility consultation. Another thing I would like to point out ....ladies.... you know time waits for no man, unfortunately neither does your biological clock for you. Your biological clock and career developmental clock are almost always in conflict. But we have been blessed with the ability to multi-task, so lets take advantage of that, and have our babies and career (why not have it all if you can?). 

 But as always.....LOVE YOURSELF!!!!

 

A strange assumption...

Hi everyone, 

Im so sorry its been a while. I've been so busy with school work, I literally haven't even had time for myself. Remember I told you guys I was going to become a clinical embryologist by November? Well, thats what I've been up to. Im here in Mumbai India, just in my last few days of classes, so by next week, Ill be certified.....YAYY!!!

Okay, so I had a very interesting day.  I had an informative discussion with some doctor friends (gynaecologists) from Nigeria, and it was just amazing to listen to their views on issues regarding sex and relationships. They are also trying to branch into infertility and assisted reproduction treatments (ART). But it was so exciting that when it came to the issue of sex, none of them were willing to say much. Those who were, actually said that they don't talk about sex or intercourse with their patients. 

I was shocked. 

It then occurred to me that the issue of sex, intercourse and everything in-between is still very much a "hush hush" topic, even among doctors, who most (patients) consider to be demi-gods. It really blew my mind. But I realised that its probably a cultural thing, which might change "hopefully" in my generation. It even made me want to tow a new career path....Sex therapy!! 

I realised that we can't really discuss infertility and its problems without first talking about good sex, and good sexual practises. It is certainly not the solution to all infertility problems, but its a start. I have seen  patients who just need sexual counselling, and learn a few tricks that spice up their bedrooms and the results are usually a spontaneous pregnancy. Some others come for counselling, get some ovarian stimulation with drugs, and the result is also a spontaneous pregnancy, without the need for ART. So it really surprised me to learn that a number of gynaecologists don't talk about sex with their patients. I wondered if it was because they were shy about the topic or something. But it seemed to be a norm for them. It was quite funny to be because I assumed it would/ should be one of the things they talked about when taking the patients history (clerking). Well, you know what they say about "assuming" huh......makes an Ass of U and Me.

So, I would really love to hear your feedbacks, ideas, comments etc, about what you all think about this topic, and if my assumptions were intact justified. I really enjoy reading your mails and contributions, and some of you have even given me suggestions for new posts, and I promise I would get right on that.

And as always.....LOVE YOURSELF!!!!